No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
