You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
