She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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