Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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