I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You left your phone here
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