i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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