My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
