i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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