my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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