take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
