17 year olds will be the death of me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
