have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
