Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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