I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
