Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The Olympian is in my bed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
