i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
