just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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