Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
