marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
