Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
