Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
