Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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