we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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