Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
