but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
