There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
