How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
