I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
