My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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