You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
