Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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