so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
