God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
