the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
