On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
