Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
