i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
