also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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