I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
babies were throwing up all over the place
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
