Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
