I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize