dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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