In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The ass gains better be worth it
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