so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
