Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
