a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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