i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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