Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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