You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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