ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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