Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
