Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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