I wish I only lived at night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
