i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
