once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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