I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
