there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
