Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
