dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
