Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
