i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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