i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
